Wait for it…

It is five days until election day. Things look bleak for the Republicans. Atrios reminds us that we are overdue for an Osama tape. I agree. Now would be a perfect time for the GOP or the “Mainstream Media” to pull out one or more of the following:

Osama Tape

Hmmm… It has been a while since we’ve heard from the ol’ chap. I’m sure the CIA has to have a tape or snippets of one that have not been aired widely yet even if Osama did indeed die of natural causes in his cave in Pakistan. Just pretty it up, slip it to a media contact and pretend it looks new until after election day. Then the CIA will conveniently announce afterwards that it was an old tape after all. If the old man isn’t around then find someone lower but painfully “arab looking”. Make him say some shit like “Vote for democrats and we win.” Simply mentioning Osama’s name reminds people Bush fucked up. But playing video of an arab threatening to kill Americans is GOP political gold!

Terror Plot Uncovered

Some terror plot is exposed, the security color of the day is increased from “pissed my pants yellow” to “omg I’m bleeding” red. Two months later we learn it was all bullshit and innocent people were imprisoned just like every other terror plot they have discovered on US soil so far.

Find Violence In Some Other Country That You Can Spin

Find some violence somewhere in the world and spin the hell out of it. God knows there are always dozens of wars happening at all times somewhere on the globe. It just needs to involve darker skin people (but not too dark skin) killing people who could pass for white. Run the video over and over and say its al Qaeda. Doesn’t matter, thinking critically can wait until after the votes are counted.

Gay Sex and Democrats

What the hell? You have not found a juicy gay sex scandal involving a democrat yet? You couldn’t just make something up and spin the hell out of it to make it sound like its worse than a politican leading the fight to protect children from sexual predictors asking kids about the size of their genitals? We need to find someone to blame for actually doing the act and some how work in George Soros? Shit, we need to find a gay democrat who advocates giving women home abortion kits paid for by the government who stands up on a stage and advocates repealing all sexual predator laws while shouting that Americans deserve to die at the hands of brown people who snuck over the border. What the fuck are you waiting for Rove? You can’t make it happen?

I can’t help it. I’m just very cynical in the lead up to this election. I am fully expecting perhaps the most retarded shit I’ve ever seen in my entire life to be dropped via the media in the next 72 hours and for people to actually believe it…